In the lively streets of Madrid’s La Latina neighborhood, it’s not uncommon to see children awake even late at night. Take Isabel, a tax officer, who often brings her kids, aged 8 and 11, along on weeknight outings. On a typical Wednesday past midnight, they hop from bar to bar with her and her friends. The children’s requests—ice cream, candies, or a charger for their gaming console—are swiftly met, even if it disrupts the adult conversations.
The Rise of the ‘Child King’
This phenomenon of the ‘child king’—children who dominate their households without resistance—is increasingly apparent in Spain. These kids exhibit dictatorial tendencies, from interrupting adults to negotiating decisions in their favor, which psychologists find troubling. According to child therapists Hannelore Schrod and Janine Renier, such behavior can escalate into severe psychological issues if not addressed.
From ‘Child King’ to ‘Child Tyrant’
The term ‘child king’ refers to a child enveloped in the illusion of omnipotence. Symptoms include frustration intolerance, a constant sense of dissatisfaction, and even behavioral disorders. When this condition becomes pathological, the child turns into a ‘tyrant’, exhibiting more intense symptoms, often manifesting through violent acts.
Dr. Didier Pleux, a psychologist, in his book From the Child King to the Child Tyrant, describes this transformation as a gradual increase in family conflicts, where the child contests and changes rules, often aggressively asserting their will.
Educational Flaws and Unbearable Suffering
But behind these little despots is usually a disproportionate amount of parental love and a lack of proper boundaries. “These children suffer from an ‘excess of self’, lacking another significant figure or authority,” Dr. Pleux explains. He warns that without limits, these children become omnipotent and highly vulnerable, a condition that can severely impede their future development.
The increasing popularity of ‘positive’ parenting, which focuses on unconditional support for the child, often results in the child not learning to cope with denial and reality. This, according to Freudian theory, leads to significant emotional distress when desires are unmet.
The Underlying Issues
Parental failures often stem from the parents’ own unresolved issues, such as a feeling of abandonment that prevents them from setting necessary limits. Aline Frossard, a clinical psychologist, points out, “One mother told me during a session that she’d rather be tyrannized if it soothes her son—showing how deep and unconscious these patterns run.”
The absence of boundaries not only deprives the child of a sense of security but can also lead to severe psychological conditions ranging from obsessive-compulsive disorders to depression, as noted by Schrod, Renier, and other experts.
Dr. Pleux emphasizes the importance of recognizing and protecting children but also ensuring they understand reality’s harsh truths. This isn’t just high theory, he remarks, but plain common sense.
Ultimately, while the aim of parenting should be to nurture and protect, it must also prepare children to face the world as it is, not just as they wish it to be. This balance is crucial for developing healthy, well-adjusted individuals who can thrive in society.
