In an era where counting sheep seems more like a quaint idea from the past, Americans are finding a new remedy for sleepless nights caused by a partner’s nocturnal symphony of snores: sleeping in separate rooms. According to a March 2023 study by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine (AASM), a staggering 45% of Americans would prefer to sleep in a different room to achieve deep, uninterrupted sleep. With fatigue often leading to squabbles, some couples are resorting to new bedtime routines like adjusting sleep schedules, using earplugs, or opting for separate sleeping spaces—a practice 15% of respondents have already adopted. This phenomenon, known as “sleep divorce,” aims to preserve relationships without compromising on rest, raising intriguing questions about its implications on health and intimacy.
The Sleep Divorce Phenomenon
Interestingly, men are more inclined to seek solace in another room, with 45% admitting to occasionally or regularly sleeping away from their partner, compared to a quarter of women. The likelihood of opting for a sleep divorce also varies by generation, with 43% of Millennials embracing separate sleeping arrangements to improve sleep quality, followed by Gen Xers (33%), Gen Zers (28%), and Baby Boomers (22%).
Dr. Seema Khosla, a pulmonologist and spokesperson for the AASM, isn’t surprised by these findings. “We know that lack of sleep can worsen mood, and people who are sleep-deprived are more likely to argue with their partner. There can be resentment towards the person causing the sleep disruption, which can negatively affect the relationship,” she explains. “A good night’s sleep is crucial for health and happiness, so it’s understandable that some couples choose to sleep separately for their overall well-being.”
Addressing the Disturbances
“If it’s one partner’s loud snoring leading to separate sleeping quarters, encourage them to see a doctor about obstructive sleep apnea. This applies to both men and women who snore,” Dr. Khosla advises. Beyond the noise, snoring can be a symptom of sleep apnea, especially if accompanied by “choking, gasping, or silent breathing pauses during sleep,” the study warns.
In France, sleep apnea, or obstructive sleep apnea-hypopnea syndrome (OSAHS), affects around 4% of the population, according to the national health insurance website. It can cause significant fatigue, abnormal daytime sleepiness, morning headaches, concentration difficulties, and even memory loss.
As someone who’s shared a bed with a symphony conductor of snores, I’ve experienced firsthand the tug-of-war between cherishing closeness and craving silence. The decision to sleep separately isn’t made lightly, but for many, it’s a practical solution to preserving both sleep quality and relationship harmony.
So, should you consider a sleep divorce? It might just be the compromise you need for a healthier, happier relationship—and finally, some well-deserved rest. Whether it’s snoring or simply different sleep schedules driving the wedge, it’s a conversation worth having. After all, in the quest for better sleep, the bedroom arrangement might just be the place to start.
Now, I’d love to hear from you: Have you ever considered a sleep divorce? What solutions have you found for balancing sleep quality and closeness in your relationship? Share your stories and tips in the comments below.
